"The Longing For a Baby Girl" by Eva Gallegos ('24)

It was a cold and strongly foggy day. The Florez family had just arrived in this new town, Cloveland. The family had been looking for this house for a long time. For God knows how long, every time Mr. Florez thought they had found a new home, Mrs. Florez complained about the continuous moving. This family was composed of Mr. and Mrs. Florez and twin boys. Mr. Florez had a job that allowed him to move around the country to sell different things, mostly exclusives and limited to the new places he visited. This is why he was extremely successful. Mrs. Florez didn’t do more than take care of her mental health and their two toddlers. She mostly got other people to take care of the children. After she got pregnant, she suffered depression and anxiety, and some even said that she was paranoid. Mr. Florez had known her since childhood and promised his wife’s parents that she would always be under his protection, so she would never think of leaving him. For society at that time, women must marry and stay married, therefore the brides' parents found the best offer among men to give their daughters off to marriage. Mr. Florez loved her, or at least that’s what he said every time his wife asked for reassurance of his love. 

The couple had been married for five years by then. The reason for Mrs. Florez's depression was the persistence of her husband to give him more children, but specifically girls. Apparently, she had some trouble getting pregnant and no one ever had been able to diagnose her disease or know how to cure it. She longed for a girl, that was her dream. Instead, two little boys were given to her. Do not get her wrong, she adored those two babies, but her husband gave all his attention to the boys once he stepped foot in the house, leaving her behind. The pain had grown intense lately, and she couldn’t hold it anymore. She decided to go to therapy. The pain now was her shadow following her around. She was desperate to get rid of it. In addition, she had no one else but her husband and her twins. Her entire family was on the other side of the country. The therapy was not going as planned, and her husband didn’t show her any type of morsel of love and this worsened her situation. Due to all of these things, Mrs. Florez started to lose hope for her husband to change. 

After being in Cloveland for a few weeks, Mr. Florez demanded her to pack everything again because they were moving soon again. He did not care for his wife’s opposition nor her mental illness. Mrs. Florez tried to put on her best smile and show all her neighbors the happiness of their broken marriage. “Society does not need to know of your feigned pain, I do not want any attention to your acts, just to my business. Remember you are not the main character here,” Mr. Florez stated to his wife as soon as they walked away from their house’s front door. Each one of them carried a twin. Mr. Florez was a well-known businessman, hence they always had journalists lurking around to investigate the new things he would bring to the other cities. Among those people was a pregnant woman; she had similar physical features as Mrs. Florez. The pregnant woman caught Mrs. Florez’s eyes, and they stared at each other for what felt like an infinite time until a poke hit Mrs. Florez. It was from Mr. Florez, waking her up from her trance as they got inside their car to depart. Mrs. Florez tried to have a peek at the woman again but could not find her among the hunger of the journalists for exclusive information.

Quickly, the Florez family found another house in a nearby town. When they arrived at their new home, Mrs. Florez felt that her world had sunk into a darkness even worse than she had experienced before. She felt that her future in that house was going to be her downfall. She knew all that but stayed and accepted it dutifully. After they unpacked all their belongings, Mrs. Florez announced to her husband that she was going to take a walk downtown, but her husband paid no attention to her and kept playing with the kids. 

While walking down those foreign streets, people looked at her with astonishment because she was alone with no man by her side and she looked as if a loved one had died. It is said that women should not be alone looking like that because paranoia makes them do crazy things. Mrs. Florez's eyes were downcast but suddenly bumping into a man made her realize where she was. She raised her eyes and found herself in a mall with a number of stores. The weather was cloudy and cold and the clouds seemed to share her feelings. Mrs. Florez located a store for expectant mothers. It's not like she was looking for one; it was an accident. Inside this store, she recognized the pregnant woman she saw in her previous town outside her house. She could not believe it. It was impossible. She waited outside to examine her, and she saw that the woman's movements were just like hers. The woman looked about six months pregnant and was searching in the girls’ section. Despite all the similarities, her emotions looked the opposite to Mrs. Florez: she looked content and enthusiastic. Mrs. Florez wanted to talk to her, so she stopped her creepy stare and turned to the entrance. As distracted as she was, she bumped into a baby stroller. The baby inside sleeping was a girl. The baby’s parents moved the stroller away from Mrs. Florez. She was disoriented, but to them she looked dangerous. Her eyes were in a trance of euphoria to be finally able to meet that pregnant woman. She thought, "Maybe I'll finally have a friend. She is always alone with no husband nor men and yet she appears happy at all moments. Maybe I'll take her with me and that baby girl of hers can be mine." She had these thoughts for a while, and abruptly they stopped when the couple with the baby said, "Get some medication and a man to take care of you, we got enough deranged people on the street.” Mrs. Florez paid no attention to their words and focused on finding this woman, but with no success. The pregnant woman had disappeared.

The same dynamic happened for days, weeks and even months between the pregnant woman and Mrs. Florez. The pregnant woman would appear and disappear from in front of Mrs. Florez’s eyes. Everybody believed her mind was getting worse and they felt pity for her. People did not see the pregnant woman that she swore to all Gods she saw. Her husband hired a personal psychiatrist to medicate her and keep her sedated. He didn’t do it only for love as he claimed, but also to stop journalists snooping around with fake stories of their marriage. The care of the children was still under a nurse hired by Mr. Florez. Due to the drugs Mrs. Florez started to hallucinate increasingly; her psychiatrists stopped giving her medication despite her husband’s demands. It was against the morals and ethics of the doctors to medicate her because of another person’s orders. During all this time, she was having lucid dreams where she would see the pregnant woman trying to talk to her. For her, it was like looking into a mirror because of the resemblance they shared.

Mrs. Florez wanted to try to have children again, so she asked her psychiatrists to give her a night free of drugs. She asked her nurse to buy her some lingerie, perfume and a red lipstick for the night. Mr. Florez arrived at home, starving, and sat at the table. Mrs. Florez made her appearance as sexy as she could for her husband. Mr. Florez noticed it but his hunger was more important to solve. It was like another person possessed her and she became a young lady looking for a husband by using all her flirtations at hand. She had forgotten the fun of it. Just to cut the act and finally go to sleep, her husband submitted to his wife's desperate attention. Her husband finished and left her on the bed, with no cuddle nor kisses or lovely words. She felt the void again, the misery invading her soul. It went deeper this time. Her world vanished and the small crumb of self-love disappeared. 

She took all the medication possible and swallowed it. She passed out and started to have all types of dreams. She imagined herself carrying a baby bump in a room full of darkness. She heard baby screams and suddenly a mirror in front of her blurred. She found herself in a hallway with a lot of pictures of babies doing many activities. She didn't see her boys in any of them. After focusing enough she was able to see that all of them were little girls. At the end of the hallway she saw a door and opened it. 

Then she wakes up from the dream. She realizes she is in a hospital bed, and notices a lot of cables and needles inside of her. She screams and asks for help. Confusion invades her and she can’t concentrate. A nurse and a doctor make their entrance and stabilize her. She asks for her husband and for her twin boys. “Mr. Florez is doing some business and took the children with him. Do not worry, everything is being paid,” says the nurse. She doesn’t care for the money; she asks for how long she has been hospitalized that he dared to leave her behind. They say, “It’s been a year.” She can’t believe it, she wants to fight her way out of the bed but the drugs make her weak. Her strength no longer accompanies her, not the physical nor the mental. The nurse and the doctor think that to cheer her up it is time to show her what she missed for the whole year. Three small bassinets roll into the room. She is perplexed. “They are yours,” the doctor says. They are so small and fragile like little puppets. She does not assume they are hers. “How could that happen?” she thinks. Then, she remembers her attempt with her husband before taking the pills. She thanks destiny for the gift that she finally has girls. After longing for them desperately. She reaches closer and realizes her worst nightmare. The three of them are boys.