Book Review: "If He Had Been with Me" By Riya Ranabhat
If He Had Been With Me, a novel by Laura Nowlin, follows the lives of Autumn and Finny, two childhood friends who grew up side-by-side in Pineville, North Carolina but begin drifting apart as they enter high school. The story captures their journey as they encounter new friendships, budding relationships, and the struggles of self-identity that come with growing up. Although they’ve grown distant, their connection remains, surfacing during shared moments and bittersweet memories that hint at the love lingering between them. As they each navigate their own challenges—Autumn with her introspective nature and passion for writing, and Finny with his social and charming personality—their paths keep intersecting, weaving a story of love, friendship, and missed chances.
The characters are deeply relatable, with Autumn and Finny’s personalities fully developed in a way that makes their friendship/love journey feel authentic. Autumn is reflective, often thoughtful and cautious, with a deep passion for writing and a tendency to see the world in
layers. Her attentiveness and kindness are evident throughout the story, especially in her concern for others and her quiet observations about life. However, she grapples with her complex feelings for Finny, torn between her affection for him and her fear of losing their
friendship they’ve always shared. This internal conflict adds depth to her character, as she struggles to balance her emotions and the boundaries she feels must maintain.
On the other hand, Finny is more outgoing and naturally charming, the kind of person who lights up a room with a confidence that makes him seem effortlessly comfortable with others. Despite their differences, his subtle, protective care toward Autumn reveals his own fondness for her. Their relationship has a deep, nuanced dynamic—sometimes tender and affectionate, other times marked by misunderstandings and unspoken tension. These qualities create a push and pull between them, leaving readers invested in every moment they share, hoping they find a way to bridge the gaps that have grown between them.
What I really love about Nowlin’s writing is that she doesn't shy away from showing the sorrow of unused possibilities between the characters. These "unused possibilities" come through in the moments where Autumn and Finny come close to expressing their true feelings but hesitate, or in the choices they make that keep them apart despite their unspoken connection. For instance, their growing distance in high school, their pursuit of other relationships, and the times they hold back instead of opening up to one another create a sense of longing and "what if." Her writing is delicate and evocative, making every shared glance, unspoken word, and fleeting moment between Autumn and Finny feel significant.
Reading this book was an emotional experience for me. It made me reflect on the "what-ifs" in my own life and the bittersweet nature of paths that never converge as we might hope. The story lingers long after the final page, and while it’s heart-wrenching, it also feels deeply human. Nowlin’s ability to explore the fragility of relationships and the enduring ache of love left unspoken makes this a story I’ll carry with me for a long time.